Stacey: Hi, Fractured Pen. I’m Stacey, a single mom in my forties. I’ve been dating this man for about a year now, and… honestly, I don’t know what to do anymore. He makes me feel special sometimes, but most of the time, he puts himself first. Every time I bring up my needs, he either dismisses me or turns it into something about him. And when we argue, he tears me down—makes me feel like I’m the problem. I don’t know if I’m imagining things or if I’m just not strong enough to make this work.
Fractured Pen: Hi, Stacey. First of all, let me say this: the fact that you’re reaching out shows strength, not weakness. You’re prioritizing clarity and healing, and that’s no small thing. Let’s unpack this together.
Let me break it down the only way I know:
Step 1: Acknowledge the Good
Fractured Pen: It’s clear you’re a thoughtful person and that you deeply care about this relationship. Being in your forties, juggling motherhood, and still finding space to give someone love—that’s remarkable. Your dedication and willingness to work through challenges are qualities not everyone possesses. These are strengths, Stacey. And as a single mom, you might appreciate some Black parenting resources to help you navigate these challenges.
Step 2: Address the Core Issue
Fractured Pen: That said, your story points to behavior that’s concerning. When a partner consistently prioritizes themselves over your needs, dismisses your feelings, and tears you down, it’s not just a “rough patch”—it’s a sign of imbalance. From what you’re describing, it sounds like you’re dating someone with narcissistic tendencies. Narcissists are often charming at first, but over time, their behavior shifts toward control and manipulation, leaving their partner emotionally drained and doubting themselves.
Stacey, your needs, feelings, and boundaries are not only valid—they’re essential. A healthy relationship uplifts and nurtures both partners. If your partner consistently makes you feel less than or dismisses your concerns, it’s a sign he’s not meeting you halfway. And here’s the hard truth: no matter how much love or effort you pour into this relationship, you can’t fix someone who refuses to look inward or take accountability.
Step 3: Empower and Reassure
Fractured Pen: But here’s the silver lining—you’ve already taken the first step by recognizing that something doesn’t feel right. That’s powerful. You don’t have to settle for a relationship that chips away at your self-worth. You deserve a partner who sees your light, not one who tries to dim it. I want you to imagine this: What would your life look like if you redirected all the love and energy you’re giving to him back into yourself and your children? How much freer and happier could you feel? Maybe you can even find some empowering parenting videos that resonate with your journey.
If you decide to leave this relationship, it’s not a failure—it’s an act of love for yourself and a beautiful example for your children of what self-respect looks like. And if staying feels like the right path, consider setting firm boundaries and possibly seeking couples therapy—but only if he’s willing to change. Without his commitment to doing the work, the cycle will continue.
Stacey: Thank you, Fractured Pen. That really hit me. I’ve been afraid to admit it, but I think I knew deep down this isn’t healthy. Redirecting that love back into myself… that sounds like something I’ve been needing for a long time.
Fractured Pen: You’ve already started, Stacey, by naming the problem and asking for help. Trust your instincts and take this one step at a time. You’re stronger than you know, and the love you give yourself will ripple outward to everyone in your life. I’m rooting for you. Remember, Stacey, the best relationships don’t leave you questioning your worth—they remind you of it. Don’t hesitate to reach out to a supportive community for parents if you need further encouragement. Check in and give an update when you can.